I Had a Miscarriage

The topic of children is one I am always open to having. What I am not open to is judgement toward women who decide not have and women who do. The decision (yes, it is a decision) to have children is one that a mother and father or mother and father to-be make together. If the father is not involved, it is the matter of the woman alone because she will be growing this little human in her for more than half of a year. One of the biggest mistakes we make as a society is thinking that womanhood is only full or complete by motherhood. If you decide to not have children or are unable to, you are not less of a woman, your life is NOT empty because you did not have a child. There is no special power that unlocks in you that is essential to enjoying this life you have been gifted if you have a child. Yes, there is something special inside of you that unlocks when you become a mother according to my extensive research but it is not essential in life. 

The painting by @zoezwetsloot, Free Bleed, was created using menstrual blood, to bring 'period poverty' into the spotlight.

Today I came across this beyond beautiful, well curated and deeply moving Instagram account about a woman's miscarriage, babies, mothers, and women; @IHadAMiscarriage curated by Dr. Jessica Zucker. 

✨Home✨ _ Photo of @emily.g.beck and her sweet babes. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #motherhood #postpartumbody #pregnancy #fedisbest #pregnancyafterloss #1in4

587 Likes, 9 Comments - Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Instagram: "✨Home✨ _ Photo of @emily.g.beck and her sweet babes. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #motherhood..."

Opening up so publicly about an experience so unforgettable and life changing as a miscarriage is courageous and I wanted to take this time to start the conversation about children, millennials, young and single parents, old child-less folks, couples in long term relationships without babies and everything in between here on Loyal Nana. 

@expressionsuntold_ shares: "Why be ashamed? A life grew inside of you that gives humanity hope of change. You felt things that I as a man will never understand. Even when you first held your baby it was nothing similar to when they lay in their father's hands. Your body changed and so did you. It became a look into the past of what you went through. You grew mentally and emotionally and your spirit was taken to places you didn't think it would ever go. Your breasts may sit differently. Your ass may not be as thick as it once was. But why should it be when you gave so much of yourself to help all of us. A sacrifice of sorts if you choose to see it that way. But to me your body now is exactly how it's supposed to be. Don't be ashamed. Don't hide your changes from the world that you and your sisters helped create. Be proud of your story. Be proud of your lines. Be proud of who you've chosen to be." _ Muse: @sereneradianceyoga. Photo by @expressionsuntold_. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #pregnancy #bodyimage #pregnancyloss #motherhood #birth

520 Likes, 19 Comments - Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Instagram: "@expressionsuntold_ shares: "Why be ashamed? A life grew inside of you that gives humanity hope of..."

@littlebirddoula - a participant in the #IHadAMiscarriage campaign rainbow mama photo shoot - shares: "Purposeful | Breastmilk is liquid gold - pure energy and life. Carrying it around with me for just over four years gave me this feeling. This sureness and feeling of purpose. No matter how dressed I got for the day or whether or not my makeup or hair was done, I always felt useful. _ The cursing and wishing weaning would come as I found myself dealing with hardcore aversion seems so petty as I look back. Though at the time it was so real and so defeating. _ I miss nursing and the daily meditation that came with it. The feeling of purpose and offering my time and energy, always made me feel like I was giving all that I could to them. Transitioning has been more difficult even almost a year after our last nurse. _ Did you deal with grief after weaning? Did you mourn the loss of breastfeeding?" _ Photograph of @littlebirddoula founder of @motherhoodrising. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #fedisbest #breastfeeding #motherhood #miscarriage #grief #loss #1in4 #pregnancyafterloss #rainbowbaby

393 Likes, 8 Comments - Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Instagram: "@littlebirddoula - a participant in the #IHadAMiscarriage campaign rainbow mama photo shoot -..."

@thetinymumma in the United Kingdom (who shared on my page about her previous pregnancy loss) says this about her rainbow baby / postpartum body: "Markings of a Mother 🌿 * Today as I celebrate my first Mother's Day I am reminded of the body that gave life to our son. It might not be pretty but my god is it beautiful. How grateful am I to this body, to the dark lines & stretch marks, to the scar from which he was lifted into this world. May I never look upon it in shame, only ever in admiration of the miracle that it created. To all the mothers out there, be proud of your stripes. Happy Mother's Day 💐" * Photo by @mr.adamrobertson. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #motherhood #1in4 #mothersday #miscarriage #lossmom #pregnancyafterloss #1in4 #bodyimage

611 Likes, 16 Comments - Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Instagram: "@thetinymumma in the United Kingdom (who shared on my page about her previous pregnancy loss) says..."

I've never had a miscarriage, an abortion nor have I ever been pregnant but the feeling I got while thumbing through @IHadAMiscarriage IG account was worth sharing. I felt as though this might be the most beautiful and important thing in life. Why don't I have a baby yet? Am I too late? Should I have one? Is it fun? Will I love it as much as these other mothers have come to love motherhood?

@ashleedwells co-founder of @4thtribodies shares: "One of the most amazing things about being on the other side of tragedy and darkness is that you have these moments of realization - some quiet, some loud - where you find yourself standing still (still standing?) and the full weight of your survival washes over you. I say weight but I don't mean it's pull, or heaviness, in fact it's quite the opposite - a wave of breath and light and freedom. _ If you know anything about me and this topic, I hope it's that I don't believe in silver linings, I don't think that tragedy is purposed, or that death or disaster is ever provoked out of some dark cosmic lesson. But I do believe that we as humans have an innate power to endure and grow. And when you find yourself on the other side - the vibrancy of breath and light and health and happy is such a welcomed gift. A release. An arrival. I like it here." _ #ongrievingandgrowing #stillbirth #bornstill #grief #loss #motherhood #ttts #novagram #twintotwintransfusionsyndrome

459 Likes, 9 Comments - Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Instagram: "@ashleedwells co-founder of @4thtribodies shares: "One of the most amazing things about being on..."

But the truth is I don't know if I want to have children. I grew up without my parents for most of my life and I am not quite sure what it means to have a parent let alone be one but that is not the reason I am unsure about having children. My partner and I talk about it often because we understand it is important, however, I always come back around to "not right now." I am 28 years old and feel like I have a career to push forward (2 careers if I count my partners), countries to see, mistakes to make,  little sisters to help raise, etc. But that is not why I am unsure if I want to have children. 

She Really Is Here by @kiyaa. Stories from around the world (Vacaville, California). Posted with permission. Photo by @jessicarayephotography. _ Juniper is 2 months old today. I can't stop reliving this moment - the moment she entered the world - nor do I want to. We waited for her for so long and this moment was such a breath of relief. She really is here and she is ours. _ Read more from @Kiyaa on her blog: simplykiyaa.blogspot.com _ Would you like to share your story? Please DM @ihadamiscarriage for guidelines. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #rainbowbaby #birth #pregnancylosscards #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #pregnancyafterloss #babyloss #lifeafterloss #grief #loss #1in4

151 Likes, 5 Comments - Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Instagram: "She Really Is Here by @kiyaa. Stories from around the world (Vacaville, California). Posted with..."

I don't think there is a specific reason I am not 100% sure about having children and the fact that there is no reason is actually enough reason. Maybe I sound selfish to those of you have figured out how to manage your life and dreams AND raise a baby but I don't mind because that is not far from the truth. When I am a little less selfish, maybe I will thinking about bring a life into this world and making sure i put him/her first. In the meantime, lets talk...

Do you have kids? Did you decide not to have children? How do you feel about it? How does your family respond? Are you considering or have adopted? Please share your thoughts and experience with us. Leave a comment below to start the conversation or shoot us an email at Loyalnana@gmail.com 

✨My body, my health, my choice✨ _ Crushing on this important illustration by @quietcreature. _ #IHadAMiscarriage supports women as they navigate through their reproductive lives - whatever the journey includes. Inclusivity. Intersectionality. Complexity. We don't know what she's been through until we've been in her shoes. Choose empathy. _ #IHadAMiscarriage #miscarriage #pregnancyloss #stillbirth #1in4 #womenshealth #motherhood

360 Likes, 13 Comments - Jessica Zucker, Ph.D. (@ihadamiscarriage) on Instagram: "✨My body, my health, my choice✨ _ Crushing on this important illustration by @quietcreature. _..."