I STILL WEAR THE CHAIN MY EX-BOYFRIEND BOUGHT ME
photo: loyal nana
We all have a friend who still wears jewelry gifted by an ex. My particular friend absolutely loved the chain her boyfriend at the time gifted her for her birthday. Though the relationship went sour and ended on terrible terms, she just couldn't stop wearing, loving, photographing and talking about the cute necklace. I loved it too. But what stood out the most from the whole thing was that she was deeply conflicted about whether she should still wear it because the energy around it didn't feel right. She was also worried about him seeing a photo of her with the chain on post-breakup because then he might think she still has feelings. PSYCH!
You all know me, I think about one thing and apply it to the masses regardless of how unique or intimate it is and this was no different. I started to think... who else out there still wears jewelry gifted by an ex? And how do they feel about it? And what does it do to you to be half done with something and half not? How do we get so detached so quick from something that at one point meant something to us?
To look into this further I asked 8 women about wearing jewelry gifted by an EX. Here is what they had to say…
MEG, 28 - NYC
Do you still wear jewelry gifted to you by an ex? Why or why not?
No, though I want to, but it has this tie to my ex that makes me feel like wearing it would mean something... even though to me, it wouldn't.
Why did you or did you not return it?
It was a gift, returning it seems a bit like 'I’ll gave it back for attention', it would be a dramatic thing.
Do you think of them when you go to put it on before leaving home or when you take it of or feel a vibe from or about them?
I don’t wear it, so no.
If the memory fond?
No, our relationship was terrible, I was miserable the whole time.
How much would it matter to you if YOUR partner wore jewelry gifted by their EX?
Not at all unless I feel like there were still feeling there between them, but then again, if there indeed is something, I wouldn't be with them.
Why did he/she gift you this chain?
For our anniversary
Anything else you can share on this?
Now that I'm thinking about it, the true reason I don’t wear it, isn't anything more than I don’t want my ex to think that they have any control over my life or decisions ever again. But I must say it is controlling me enough to not wear it, right? So I don’t know who's winning.
DEZ, 30, NYC
Do you still wear jewelry gifted to you by an ex? Why or why not?
I used to wear it but then I was afraid I carrying the energy with me. I saged it- but I haven’t worn it since so it’s sitting on my dresser.
DEVIN, 28 - Washington, D.C.
Do you still wear jewelry gifted to you by an ex? Why or why not?
I did until it broke (the universe doing it's thing) and my current boo bought me the same one because I loved it so much but now it doesn't have the negative energy from my ex. :)
Why did you or did you not return it?
I loved it and felt that if I want to wear it I can, but ultimately I think it had too much negative energy that it literally just broke in half.
Do you think of them when you go to put it on before leaving home or when you take it of or feel a vibe from or about them?
When I was still wearing that one, I did feel a little type of vibe that wasn't the best, but now my new one I feel so much better wearing.
If the memory fond?
Of the old necklace from my ex, not really, lol.
How much would it matter to you if YOUR partner wore jewelry gifted by their EX?
Ohhhhh good one! I'm a crazy over emotional Pisces so most likely it would bother me.
Why did he/she gift you this chain?
Because I asked for it for my birthday, which is really why I felt okay wearing it after we broke up since it was a gift that I chose and picked out, not his choosing.
photo: loyal nana
ANONYMOUS, 34, L.A.
Do you still wear jewelry gifted to you by an ex? Why or why not?
No, because I’ve moved on.
Why did you or did you not return it?
I didn’t return it because we ended on bad terms.
Do you him/her of them when you go to put it on before leaving home or when you take it of or feel a vibe from or about them?
I’ve thought about him wearing it daily, I didn’t take it off but when we separated, I took it off because I felt his energy in it.
If the memory fond?
The love was real
How much would it matter to you if YOUR partner wore jewelry gifted by their EX?
It would matter to me because it would remind him of her.
Why did he/she gift you this chain?
My ex got me a necklace on our anniversary on New Years.
Anything else you can share on this?
The love was real and I genuinely loved his gift too, but I had to clean my space.
TS, 26 - NYC
Do you still wear jewelry gifted to you by an ex? Why or why not?
My ex-boyfriend bought me a silver beaded Tiffany bracelet for (I think) our 1 year anniversary. It had a small charm with the date of our anniversary and my initials engraved. I wore it for the next 2 years and after we broke up, I snapped the charm off (because I didn't love that part of it anyway) and continued to wear it every day for the next 5 years until it unfortunately broke and a few beads went missing. I kept wearing the bracelet because I liked it. It wasn't for the memory of what once was, or because I wanted to feel closer to him, it was just a really pretty piece of jewelry that deserved to be worn even though it was no longer associated with love. I think every possession we have has a backstory and a level of importance to us. From a gift given by a loved one to a top you bought on sale, you keep it because you like it. If my partner obtained something from an ex, I think there is a level of confidence and trust that I have in my partner to know that they don't wear that item to feel closer to their ex, but because its something that they enjoy for themselves. The bracelet came from my first "real" relationship. We ended because we grew apart. I think because there were no hard feelings on my part, I was able to detach the memories from gift and just appreciate it for what it was: a nice bracelet from a nice time in my life.
Ari, 26 - NYC
I personally cannot wear jewelry from an EX. Deters me from moving one. Period.
Tiff, 30, NYC
My ex got me a beautiful white gold necklace that was never as beautiful as it as was the day he gifted it to me. I loved that he went out and picked this particular one for me, and that he waited until the end of the day to surprise me with it. He even put it on for me. Movie type shit.
Shortly after wearing the necklace for a bit (off and on because I wear more gold than silver), the necklace started rusting and turning dark. It was from Tiffany’s and “this is fake” never went through my mind. And it wasn’t so it was all the more odd.
The cute cute necklace lost its beauty while we were still together so wearing it outside of our relationship wasn’t even a thought. Shit in life is just too symbolic.
MEL, 24 - NJ
Do you still wear jewelry gifted to you by an ex? Why or why not?
Yes and I love the piece of jewelry!
Why did you or did you not return it?
I didn’t return it because he never asked me to
Do you think of them when you go to put it on before leaving home or when you take it of or feel a vibe from or about them?
At first it did remind me of him, but it’s been such a long time that there’s no longer an attachment and it’s just a simple gold chain
If the memory fond?
The memories are cute we were young and in love
How much would it matter to you if YOUR partner wore jewelry gifted by their EX?
Considering I wear a piece of jewelry my ex gave me it wouldn’t be fair to be upset if my significant other did the same, so no I wouldn’t feel upset by it depending on what it was.
Why did he/she gift you this chain?
Just because