WHAT WEDDING RINGS DON'T SAY
art: shutterstock
A few years ago a coworker-become-friend of mine got married. I remember him so vividly coming back to work after his honeymoon with a slight sun-kissed glow to his skin, a smile on his face, and a certain bounce to his step, but what struck me most at the time was how shiny his new ring was.
Later, I mentioned this to my girlfriend at the time, (Olivia...cringe). I remember telling her how, with a small token around someone's finger, the world knows something about you, without speaking to you, strangers know a very important, intimate detail. And on top of that, the sheer shiniest of his... the newness of this ring, also said something. It was new, his marriage was just beginning. Ever since then I always noticed rings, that realization my friend had brought to me never seemed to fade. I noticed other new rings, some very worn rings, and some tan lines where rings used to be. It made it easy to make assumptions about people’s lives around me.
It is so interesting how this one finger’s attire can tell you so much about a person. I watched as that same friend went through hardships, as the ring began to lose shine and how there were days he wouldn’t wear his ring at all. I thought that I had broken the code, knew how to tell about the happenings of the lives around me without engaging in verbal communication. Sadly today, I watched that same friend get a phone call that turned him into a widower.
All of a sudden my point of view had changed from the "all-knowing" feeling. I’m realizing now, there is no ring custom for this. There is no rule for this, and that one token I once thought was so telling, really tells you nothing at all and no two are the same. No two marriages are the same. No two love stories are the same. I always assumed that those tan-lined fingers where rings used to be meant that things ended badly, that worn rings meant that they’d been in it for a while, and new rings were for newlyweds. I forgot that there are layers to everything, especially marriages.
That tan line on the marriage finger could be a loss of a spouse; ending a beautiful love story, for now. That worn ring could be second hand because the couple was on a budget. That new ring could mean you lost your ring of 30 years while swimming with great white sharks in South Africa and needed a replacement. My point is, through this unpoetic blurb, knowing and understanding certain points and applying those understandings to every person you see, will not let you in that deep into a person’s life as you think. Outward appearance, how one carries themselves, how one speaks.... sure you can always assume you know, but the truth of the matter is, you never really do.
There is no formula, there is no manual, and you may sometimes be speaking from experience, but you don't always know what's best, or even what right and wrong. I took that one piece about him, that shiny new ring in his life, and assumed it was a one-size-fits-all situation for any other person I saw with same finger attire. Now, that ring with only a few years wear means something so different and all of sudden my formula, my manual, that reads, 'honeymoon phase' errors out.