Photograph by Amanda Saviñón for Loyal Nana

In 2018 I experienced an art installation called “Teen Bedroom” at Refinery29’s ‘29Rooms’, a funhouse exhibition at a warehouse in Greenpoint, Brooklyn in New York City. I remember walking into one of the many booths, but this one was a colorful, soft, and fluffy nook closely resembling a teenager’s bedroom with everything covered in faux fur fabric. It had a Nintendo 64 hooked to small TV (also covered in faux fur), and a Lil’ Kim poster on the wall. The bedroom was reminiscent of my early teenage years when I would visit my family members at their homes and the adults would hang out in the living room while the kids all raced to the bedroom to play video games and be silly in peace. As I was having these flashbacks at the installation, I instantly wondered to myself, “What is the name of this installation, and who created this?!”.

It all made sense when I learned that it was a Dominican-American textile artist named Uzumaki Cepeda. I went home that evening in 2018 and eagerly reached out to Uzumaki to let her know that I had just experienced her newest exhibition and to see if she’d lend some of her time to my Inner Views series. Four years later, and on a very cold evening this past January, Uzumaki and I sat down to chat in Brooklyn during the opening of her latest exhibition in Bushwick, BK…

Amanda Saviñón: What does it feel like to be you today?

Uzumaki Cepeda: Today, it feels heavy to be me. I don't know.

AS: Why?

UC: Because I feel like being an artist during almost three years of a pandemic is really hard. Surviving out here mentally, physically, and spiritually is hard. Usually, I'm pretty resilient, like I usually go through things and make it out, but like this push-through moment, it's like really heavy for me right now.

AS: You’re a Dominican textile artist from the Bronx who has worked with names like Reebok, Instagram, Clark, Agenda, Refinery 29, MOCA museum, Revolt, and ComplexCon. You've also been featured in places like Milk, Outdoor Voices, Forbes, HypeBae, Vice, and so many others. What does it feel like to have these accomplishments under your belt?

UC: Wow. I’ve never heard them lined up like that. At this moment, listening to all of those names, I am thinking “I did so much dope shit!” I feel like I forget the things that I do, but I obviously honor those moments. I'm a very in-the-moment person, hence why I don't look back at half the shit I‘ve done, but it feels good. It feels good that I was able to show something for myself, even though right now I'm in this emotionally dark place, I still feel happy that I was able to accomplish all these things that you listed.

AS: Your style is very versatile and super fearless and original. I'm curious as to not who, but what inspires your style or what has inspired your style throughout all these years?

UC: Anime has inspired my style. I watch all different types of anime. Most people are only into action anime, I'm into soap opera anime and a bunch of other categories of anime. I really like how they design characters, it’s really where I get a lot of my style inspiration. I also get a lot of inspiration from my friends who are artists. I feel like every artist I know has a cool style to them.

AS: I love those anime videos that you add music to and share on your Instagram and Twitter. I wish the whole world could see them. I also wish that they were much longer and extended.

UC: That's so funny that you watched those because I've been making those for years. And I feel like nobody cares about them. Every time I make one, I'm like going through something different. They are all on my highlights on Instagram and anytime I go through them and listen to the music, I'm like, “Oh my God, I know exactly where I was at that time period!” It started as just a digital way of expressing myself.

AS: Your chosen art medium is unique. You work super beautifully and gracefully with the faux fur material so much so that I almost feel like it's an extension of you. This all started off as a mistake that you made on a canvas while painting and in an attempt to find a solution, you found this faux fur blue fabric and you decided to cover the full canvas with it. Since, you have made everything from lamps and chairs to carpets and full-on installations with this fabric. What are you working on right now?

UC: I'm working on resetting my mental health so I can re-enter things from a clearer place. If that makes sense.

AS: Like a big refresh…

UC: Yeah. I mean do have big projects coming at the end of this year that I have signed, NDAs for and therefore can’t talk about, but I'm just at a place where art-wise, I need to refresh my palette, mentally. My mental health has been pretty bad, so I think I just need to focus on getting better.

AS: As someone that has been following you and your art for a long time, I feel like you have grown into yourself so much, and right in front of the eyes of so many people. Why is it important for you to share your past and your struggles and your healing process with other people?

UC: I feel like sharing what I go through helps a lot of people. It’s amazing, sharing everything, but it also sucks because a lot of people have opinions on how one should handle things. People forget that I am only 26, and I've been on the internet since I was 18 years old. My journey didn't pop off until I was like 20. I think sharing helps because it makes people not feel alone. But sometimes it sucks because you don't want to hear what other people have to say about what the shit you got going on.

AS: I had the chance to go see your installation at 29Rooms in 2018. Being in that fluffy room made me feel young, silly, and protected. Like a child. What were some of your thoughts and your feelings as you were conceptualizing and building that particular installation?

Teen Bedroom, 2018. Photo: Uzumaki’s Instagram

UC: My first childhood trauma happened in my bedroom, and that was trauma that fucked me up for the rest of my life, so I wanted to create a new memory of that. For 29Rooms I recreated the bedroom I always wanted as a kid.

AS: It makes sense why I felt so playful and free. As a Dominican woman, you have described the Dominican culture as homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, and racist. And you also have spoken out about the messed-up beauty standards that come from our culture like the superiority of straight hair, lighter skin, and brighter eyes. As a Dominican artist myself, I can see that. But, what do you love about the Dominican culture?

UC: I really love that we look out for one another. I never realized the power of community until I was older. My mom came to the U.S. before a lot of the people ini our family, so while growing up, I remember our house was always full of people, and I used to hate it. I grew up and now I see how that was my mother giving people opportunities by welcoming them into her home and letting them crash in our living room until they got their lives together. That's the power of community. I love how we hold each other down. If you’re lost somewhere and Dominicans are around, they're going to hold you down.

AS: As Dominicans, we were taught that everybody eats. And if that means that we have to give our food to someone else, we do it with grace and in abundance.

UC: Exactly. Even the homeless people in the Dominican Republic get a plate.

AS: You're outspoken about the sexual abuse you experienced when you were younger and in one of your interviews you said that one day you finally realized that you were identifying with your trauma too much and “not working on letting it go enough.” Where are you in your healing process now?

UC: I'm still recovering right now. I feel like I'm forever recovering and that's always going to be a stitched-up wound that sometimes can be sliced open.

AS: I always say that healing and therapy is lifelong work.

UC: Yeah. It's never going to be like “I’m going to therapy, and everything is going to be Gucci.” You know what I mean? I recently went through a lot of shit, and it feels like my mental health is on the decline. It is why I feel the need to step back from art for a little bit.

AS: You used to strip in the past to make a living and you’ve said that it ultimately helped you embrace your sexuality, and I love that. However, you also told Vice that you were “stuck in the underground” during that time. What pushed you up out of that place?

UC: I love sex workers. I love being of that, but what helped me get out of that was my ex-boyfriend. He gave me the opportunity to live with him, told me. I don’t have to pay rent, and encouraged me to make art every day. Shout out Robert G. He changed my life for real, because that was when and why I got serious about art.

AS: Wow, wow, wow. Shout out Robert G for real! What was your stripper name?

UC: ‘Uzi’

AS: Classy! In one of your interviews, you said that “family is whoever you want them to be.” How do your friendships inform your work? What does friendship do for you?

UC: Having a community is important. If I didn't have my community, I don't think I would've made it here and I don't think I could make it anywhere. Right now, I am literally taking a break from everything just to be within the community and get my mental health to a better place.

AS: When the going gets tough, where do you look for support and inspiration? I know that this is a tough question particularly now because of where you're currently at mentally, but even now, if you had to push, push, push, where would you look for inspiration and what would you look for?

UC: I would look for it in my friends. That's honestly the only thing that's been getting me by, talking to my friends.

AS: I want to just talk a little more about your current mental state because you have brought it up a few times during our interview and I could really feel the energy as I sit right here next to you… As you know, so many people suffer from mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc. and I believe that learning to live with these issues is a big way to truly process them. What do you do or try to do for yourself daily that helps you look after your mental health?

UC: I don't know. I am crying right now because I am getting emotional. I don't know what I've been doing to get by. I feel like I am barely getting by.

AS: To bring in some perspective, you're saying that as we're sitting at the opening of your newest art installations in Brooklyn. You’re saying that as your art and creations sit in people's homes all over the world. I know it’s really hard to see all of the things that you've done because of how you feel right now, but you need to know that you are going to come out of it soon and stronger than ever.

UC: Right. I hope it passes; this is one of the hardest times of my life, and I've been counting every day until I'm better... I am now six months in. I hope I feel better soon because I’ve been feeling very alone, and I haven't been getting by in a healthy way. That's just being honest.

AS: That is self-love. Being honest with yourself, being able to cry, feeling what you're actually going through. Do you know how many people out there are hiding their pain and faking their happiness and have no idea that hiding it’s actually adding to the depression and struggle?

UC: I can't even lie about how I feel. I can't even hold it in.

AS: Is there anything else you want to add or tell the people?

UC: I want to tell the people to keep making art. You never know how what you make can impact others. You just made a good point that made me stop crying… I'm crying, but I'm crying at the opening of my newest art show, around the art that I made. Life keeps going. I feel like it's so cheesy, like a live, laugh, love moment, you know? But it's true, life keeps going and you just have to keep up with it.

AS: Exactly. Show up for your life and show up for yourself.

UC: I have to show up for myself.

AS: What keeps you so humble? You've done so much, you have so many true followers, and a lot of people out there have collected your work; people watch you a lot and we love you. How do you stay cool, humble, open, and vulnerable?

UC: It is cool that I have a platform, but at the end of the day, real life is real life. It doesn't matter if I'm lit online, as soon as I put my phone down, I'm with myself, you know? That's why I don’t become super snobby. Well, sometimes I could be snobby, but that’s only because I be having an attitude that comes with being Dominican or whatever. HAHA. But yeah, what keeps me humble is being a real person. Once someone becomes arrogant, they lose. One of my biggest fears is having main character syndrome. I’ve dealt with people like that, and they can never see what they are doing wrong. I am someone who holds myself accountable a lot.

AS: When I was 25 life was very hard. I have since chucked it up to the infamous quarter life crisis. And if I could offer a piece of advice, it would be to remember that nothing is permanent, even when it seems that way. Especially not our state of mind nor our state of being.

UC: Everything for me right now feels so permanent, yet so loose. So concrete yet so up in the air. It is such a weird time for artists all over the world, and for people in general especially those of us living in the U.S. where our government doesn't give a fuck about us, nor do they help us in any way… It's just one of those things that we're going to look back on and just think “Yo, those times were fucking crazy.”

AS: Thank you for making time for me.

UC: Of course. Thank you for pulling up. I am currently going through it as you know, so I wasn’t going to come, I only came basically because of you today.

INNER VIEWS WITH UZUMAKI CEPEDA

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